Rear Side Stories!

Burri nazar wale, tehra muh kala!

So admonishes the rear of the truck in front of me. For a second, I look in my rear view mirror to see if it were really so! Once assured that there is some mistake or communication gap, I heave a sigh of relief. After all, I am wheatish complexioned, whatever that means, and not with a kala face, as the rear of the truck told me. And that set me to look out for more such recriminations from the rear in front!

The next time you are on the road, look out at the rear: of the vehicle in front, I meant, ok, don’t get ideas! It is a great revelation, I tell you. Often, you see the burri nazar wale, tehra muh kala admonition staring at you from the back of the truck, lorry, tempo, or tractor, even the auto rickshaw. Whose muh is it referring to? It cannot be that everyone following that truck is a burri nazar wala, and even if it were so, he need not be kala; it can be a gora as well!

Anyway, this burri nazar business, I guess, is an Indian predilection. I remember, behind our house in God’s Own Country, the fencing was made especially thick at one particular stretch with a special genus of bamboo, more like a thick curtain through which we couldn’t see anything beyond. When asked why this was done, I was told that there was someone in the family that stayed behind our house who was born in `ayilyam’ nakshatra and that such ayilyam nakshatra born ones have evil eyes. So, to ward off his evil eye, this added precaution was taken! I wonder how much it helped, because, a few years later, our entire property was taken over by the government for an industrial project: and the funniest part of it is, the `evil eye’ property was also acquired. We shifted to a new place nearby, and lo and behold, the `evil eye’ followed us there too, buying the property right behind ours! No bamboo curtain was hung this time, though!

Coming back to The Capital, 3000 kms from God’s Own Country. So, the truckwala probably believes that by writing out this admonition, he can ward off the `evil eye’ by shaming the unfortunate owner of such eye. But the guy is still left with some doubt; so, often, you find a worn out, weather beaten shoe, to boot, hoping that at least this would force the evil one to cast his eye elsewhere! At times, it is a hanging chain of lemon and green chillies that would do the needful. The writing on the rear is clear: clear off! But tell me, by hanging the shoe or writing in such grotesque fashion, are they not catching the evil eye’s attention rather than deterring it? Who wants to see the back of a battered truck when there are better things to watch, and to watch out for!!

Admonitions apart, you find other writings as well on the wall. Often, I find very interesting directives like “keep distance”. I am yet to see a single auto in Delhi without this instruction, which, incidentally, is violated most blatantly by every one of them! Forget keeping distance, they come close to kissing distance, I would say! But the distance directive has to be proclaimed loudly at every rear, and for effect, they add “power brake” and/or “air brake”, as if that would deter anyone who would like to violate the earlier directive. Interestingly, the “brake” in most cases will be spelt “break”, leaving one to wonder whether the power and air are taking a `break’ from an otherwise hectic schedule.

Another equally strong `rear’ directive that is equally blatantly violated is again good in intention, but bad in implementation: “use dipper at night” [“dipper” often spelt “deeper”, thankfully not “diaper”]. I am more or less sure that none of them even knows how to use the dipper because they always ply on high beam! The same is the case with the directive “stick to your lane”, which is more violated than followed!

Then there is the inevitable command “STOP”; what or whom that command is meant for, I am still not able to understand!

By the way, these are all `negative commands’, I would say, asking you to not do something, or which warns you against doing something. Then, there is this `positive command’, (which to me, in the first place, should have definitely been a negative command), “sound horn”, as if without sounding the horn, your vehicle cannot move. At times, this takes the tone of a plea, with a “please” attached to the original words, giving me the impression that the owner believes that if the decree doesn’t work out, at least the plea will work, and we will honk the horn!

Most vehicles are hypothecated to some bank or financial institution that will be prominently mentioned somewhere on their body. But to make it clear to any doubting Thomases that it is only a loan, but the owner is the owner himself, there are declarations about ownership: “chunnu munnu ki gaddi” or “chottu mottu ki gaddi”. Some affectionate dads declare their abiding love for the kids by having their names painted at the rear “sonu” or “meenu” or “binu”.

Very often, there are owners who announce to the world their literary worth, by quoting some Urdu couplets; it can either be an ode to a lover or about the philosophy of life, with words like “pyaar”, ishq, mohabbat, “zindagi” and “zafar” thrown in for added effect!

Then there are guys who proclaim their everlasting and eternal love for their beloved from the rear, with some couplets from Meer Taqi Meer or Mirza Ghalib, the message crossing geographical borders of Indian States, so that in case the loved ones have migrated, they could still see how much they are missed!

Even the autos and trucks are not spared by the IT revolution: so, a new set of rear stories are now mushrooming: `gogurgaon.com’ [whether we are advised to go to Gurgaon for something, or whether Gurgaon is asked to go elsewhere, is not clear!]. Then there is the rather intriguing one “mouthshut.com”. And of course, the much more easier to understand “want to lose wait, contact……!” Indian marketing strategists are going places, man!

Inside too, there are evocative stories, mostly of a divine nature: a few Gods and Goddesses undoubtedly will be displayed, depending on the religious denomination of the driver. Many autos have a proclamation to make, “God Gift”, as if some of us have some doubts about the finances and might inform the income tax department about the matter! Most autos have a proclamation to make about the Godly connection, as though the driver does not own any responsibility for anything wrong that could happen, but the respective spiritual figure can be contacted in case of any emergency!